I am a Mother

May 7th, 2011

It has always been a part of my dreams to be a mother. For a long time, it was the only thing I was sure I wanted to devote my life to. From now and forever on, hand in hand with a healthy marriage, being the best mother I can be for our children is the most important thing…

When I was small, I would pull out my Cabbage Patch dolls and proudly dress them in my old baby clothes.
When I became a teen, I started an ever-growing list of names I would love to give my future sons and daughters.
When I began dating Anthony eight years ago, my mother asked me one afternoon if he was “the one”. I bashfully, almost tearfully, nodded yes.
When I found myself a woman, standing next to my husband on my wedding day, my heart was full of hope for little he and I’s running around the home we’d build together.
My dream became ours.
When we bought and remodeled this, our very first house, we painted the room beside ours a calm, bright blue shade. It was the perfect color for a tiny girl or boy…
It was just waiting for a baby.
One day in late Winter, we knew…

One late summer day, my belly full of our first child, I painted a tall dandelion on a wall in that light blue room. Beside it I painted a smaller dandelion. And across the wall I scrawled “…you are my first wish.”
She was, and still is, forever more.

As we watched this little child grow and thrive, we began hoping for a second to keep her company and grow alongside.
One Spring morning, we knew again…

Every day I realize these amazing blessings we’ve been entrusted with. Every day, I am grateful.

There are many things I love about motherhood. The way a single look can send them into giggles, the way my finger fits just right inside her tiny hand. And later the way she wants to hold my hand just to walk around the house. The way she wants to share everything exciting with me, the way they adore their father. They way their eyes twinkle. How when Ant comes home from work, I get to recall all of the funny and cute things she says and does every day. How I get to share in the magic of their childhoods. How I am witness to all of their amazing growth and development. How they teach me things about myself I never knew were within me. How my heart swells as I realize what strong, beautiful little beings they are.

But my favorite things about motherhood are those that make me a mother. Ella Faye and Poppy Lucille Grace. And Anthony, of course.

When you decide to start a family, you do so because you feel grown up enough to handle it. You fancy yourself mature, wise, caring, and prepared.

And then that little one joins your life. She moves into the space in your arms that seems like it was perfectly made for her. She fills your heart not only like you expected, but so much more.

You find out that the maturity thing is two-fold. Your children teach you that it’s okay to act as a child again.
You realize you weren’t as wise as you imagined. With this brand new baby, you are just beginning your journey of learning. You have just created the best teacher you could ask for.
You find that you have so much more capacity to care for another person.
And you realize that you could never be fully prepared for this new life.

My daughters have been my greatest teachers. No matter how many books or articles I digested while they grew safely in my belly, nothing could prepare me better than these two little girls. They have given me tenderness, kindness, patience, grace, and strength, along with so much more.

I know that there are difficult times, confusing times, and exhausting times. But I’ve learned that every good, happy, funny, and sweet moment add up to so much more than the hard ones. I’ve learned that motherhood is the most powerful calling of life. What an amazing thing to be able to raise a person or two. What a privilege. What a blessing. I am honored that I get to learn so much through their presence in my life and company in my heart. They transform me, make me grow, endlessly. Every day I become a better person with them by my side.

To you beautiful mothers and your mothers alike, Happy Mother’s Day.

To my wonderful mom,
You are an inspiration. Thank you for everything you’ve always given me. I understand so much more now. I love you.

And to my sweet mom-in-law,
Thank you for raising an amazing son. I see so much of you in him everyday and that is a wonderful thing. I love you.

XoXo – Katy

tags: Mother's Day, Sentimental Words, The Holidays
2 Comments »

• « Older: Today…
• Newer: Mother’s Day! »